Monday, August 29, 2005

Teeheehee

I prefer this BLUR pic:



to this CLEARER one:



because my kneecap looks weird in the latter..

Heehee, I'm such a bimbo.

The 2 of them are so gonna smack me.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Today is Sunday.

Mr Eugene Lau wu gui lost his handphone.

Since he was my old flame back in primary school, I shall help him announce this, though I doubt many of his friends read my blog.

No choice la, putting notices on Yanyan's blog must pay money one leh.
Jiang jiu, jiang jiu dian ba.
No fish, prawns also can la.
Oops, I mean heh bi.

The thick-skinned man said since he's my friend, and Yanyan's my friend, it should be free of charge.
I tell you..

CANNOT.

If it's really so, wouldn't I be very busy?
Wait St*v*n Lim wanna be my friend how? I don't have much eyebrow for him to pluck.
MAI LA.

Anyway, if you are his friend, please kindly send him an sms or give him a call.
That dunno-drink-what-brand-of-milk-and-become-so-tall LAULAU left his handphone in a cab.

It seems like alot of people lost their mobiles by leaving them in cabs.
If anyone of you decides to leave your mobile in a cab on any day, please give me a call or leave a message, I'll ask my dad to go fetch you, and you leave your handphone in his cab, ok?
I'll ask him to give you a discount.

*grins innocently*

***

Mr Kenny Sia, CAN YOU PLEASE CHANGE YOUR BLOGSKIN?!

For a moment, I thought you are Calvin Klein's spokesperson.
And then, I thought you were some paedophile who likes to see little girl in swimsuit sliding down a slide.

AND THEN THAT IRRITATING TECHNO/TRANCE MUSIC, WHICH IS RINGING IN MY HEAD NOW!

I think everyone got your point.

Please change back, before Yanyan starts singing it in my face.

Thank you very much.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

???

When in the middle of the night while you are sound asleep, YOU KENA ONE VERY PAINFUL LEG CRAMP..a really really painful one, which felt like your leg was being wrenched like a damp cloth.

Do you

1) cry and whimper while messaging your leg,

2) Or curse and curse while kneading your leg like dough, then realise you are actually scolding your own body and decide to go back to sleep?

My sis is no.1 and I'm no.2.

I find that very weird.

Hmmm...

Someone has some new stuff!

(Edited (single or double 't') with more pictures)

New hairstyle,






New dress from Yanyan auntie and Ah Yi.









Very pretty!

And a cute red bubble chair!









I think she likes them. =)

Friday, August 26, 2005

Stop complaining already.

On my way home just now, two teeny boopers were sitting behind me. And guess what they were discussing?

DENG DENG DENG DENG!!!

PROJECT SUPERSTAR!

Duh.

They were going on and on about how unfair the judges were; how stupid it was that Junyang got out, the show is biased..ladida ladida.

They were still yakking away when I alight. You never know man, they might start blaming how the plants were placed (were there plants?), or how the colours of what the judges were wearing clashed with the aura of their idol, or how the voting number did not match his 'sheng cheng ba zi'..Ohoh, maybe the mic was manufactured on an inauspicious date?

The hoohaa about the qualifications of the final two is really getting on my nerves. There is really nothing much to blame, really. Those people who are complaining..blame yourself la. Who ask you never vote more?

Initially, when I was watching the guys' contest, I was damn pissed off by the judges, by the obvious bias towards Junyang. Everyone expected Junyang to win due to Weilian's disability and thought he would. But do they need to be so obvious?
To me, those 2 weren't in their best shape that day. However, Weilian sang Heaven Knows pretty well, hitting all the notes despite his lack of breath. I didn't see why he got lower marks for that round, feeling really sad for him, becauses judges' marks constitutes 30% of the overall results.

Shockingly, Junyang was eliminated!
And Xinhui too, who had higher points than Kelly.

Excuse me ah, blame who?
You lor! Who ask you not to vote more?
Contribute more to the telcos lor.
Orbi la.
Anyway ah, over liao.
So STOP complaining.

I'm so sick of these talent-searching shows. So many of them, each one going on for such a long time to choose one winner.
In the mean time, other newbies are coming out too.
They just keep one sucking and sucking consumers' money again and again, more and more..
Vote, vote, vote and vote.

Basically I watched just so that I can bitch.

***

Tagboard is removed.
Initially, it was fun reading those stuff about me that I don't even know myself. But it got boring and bland, and my friends are pretty pissed by them for my sake.
Sorry guys, you need to find another playground.

My blog is MY blog. I'll carry on blogging the way I like. So to prevent anyone of you from getting hypertension who finds my blog disgusting, please don't come ever again. Having blood, flesh and some unknow tissues lying around is not a pretty sight. Spare a thought for those who gotta clean up for you.

And in regards to my relationship, if anyone of you are harbouring the thought that by leaving some not-very-nice comments will cause disputes between us, then I suggest you all to save your energy for better stuff.
Idris and I have came a long way to achieve what we have now.
Even before my depression, we went through many things. It's not easy to be a couple of different races and religions. Such mediocre stuff is not even enough to cause an itch in my flat behind.

If you just wanna spoil my reputation, try harder. Maybe sign up for a blogger account and start attacking my comments page?

***

For now, I shall go trash Kenny's ass in Solitaire Showdown.

Oh, I need to find a cheap but nice little cheongsam to wear for a party.

Yawn.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Let the pictures do the talking...

Sometimes, I hate to visit my own blog.
But I shall not let stupid people get to me.

To that person who claims to be Idris' 'friend':
You can say all you want. Our relationship will not be affected at all, so I see no point in you doing it. We are only upset that we actually have you around us, as a 'friend'. Someone who can harbour such ill intentions to his/her friend.

Sorry for the lousy english in the previous entry. Wanyi already scolded me for that.
Thanks to those who commented too..It made me feel so much better to know that there are people who can actually relate to the issue. For a while, I thought the sky is going to drop on me.
CHEE BA BOM!

I love being drama-mama-ish.

LALALABOM!!!
CHEE BA BOM!!!
CHA CHAM BO!!!

Pictures! Pictures! Pictures!

My KL Trip

Seriously? I don't really like the place.
I can't stand the dishonest cabbies, who demanded unreasonable fees.
And I can't stand those cheesy, sleazy 'lalakias' at Petaling Street. Maybe I did brought it upon myself for wearing a short skirt. But those people have no respect for girls, I tell you. I overheard these two at the opposite stall openly discussing whether Yanyan or I is more '' (hot).
%^**$@*&^*@#*
('lalakias', according to Cheneille means 'ah bengs' or male loserish bad asses with ugly dyed hair and talks like kenny sia.)

Let's just say it's good to be home.
Everytime I go overseas and come home, I feel just so glad to be living here.
To see the clean roads, with neat rows of trees standing by the side, familiar buildings, relatively fresh air...
This time, there's another reason - honest taxi drivers with non-cheating meters.
Who cares about it being more expensive, at least I'm not treated like a big fat radish, 被砍得遍体鳞伤.

However, overall, it's a good trip.
Accomodation, which came with buffet breakfast, was great.
Most importantly, I had great company!
Thanks guys...

Ohoh, guess what?!

I got my virgin pair of espadrilles!

I'm so happy la! I've been 'uearning for a pair since primary school, after seeing one of my teachers wearing it. No kidding man. Throughout the years, I can only compensate my desire with lace-ups.
(Yanyan is a lucky bitch. She've gotten herself 3 new pairs. Her white one, a design that I liked alot, which cutting didn't suit me, too much empty space. Boohoo.)

I'm such a poor thing...

My loot:


Some local foodstuff (What do you call them? I remembered there's a term for it. Blah) for my Uncle and cousins.
Love the peanuts!



The romper was too big for Abbie. I'm such a bad aunt. :(
She kinda like the shape sorter toy, although she only knew how to grab a shape and whack the main mould.
The best buys are the denim bottoms (S$11.30 ea) and of course, the espadrilles (S$16.30)!

Not a lot, I must say.
Didn't find much stuff worth buying. They are either not very nice, or the prices and designs are very much similar to what we have here.

I didn't bring my camera. So for more details, please refer to Yanyan's blog if you don't already know. ( I think linking is redundent too...hehehe)

During my trip, there was one person whom I was missing terribly...

My darling Abbie!

Yanyan said I'm obsessed.

YES I AM!!!

How not to?

I'll show you.

Abigail is a sweet, innocent little gem with droopy, chubby cheeks!












She's also a happy baby who always smiles beautifully...






(She hit my head while playing peek-a-boo with me..she was trying to find me behind to cushion. That explains the red patch on her head. Sorry baby..)

Abigail not only amuses us when she awake, she does it when she's sleeping too.






SO CUTE RIGHT?

Apart from all of the above, she's a cheeky darling.






"Who bully my Ah Yi? I'll beat you ah! HMPH!"

I cannot not love her when she leans her head towards my face, when I say, "Kiss kiss Ah Yi.", even if I'm makeup-less, looking like some ah soh with no eyebrows.

Who cares about those people, when Abbie loves me?

My pretty baby niece...

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Chicken Egg Cake, King Eight Egg.

Sometimes, I think someone up there wants me to go mad, swinging me between extremes of emotions.

I was bloody sad after realising I did really bad things, then I was all contented and happy.

Digress abit:
Thanks for the well wishes. Idris and I are back together, officially. Solie ah, he veli shy. He said he'll write me something yesterday.
HELLO MR CHUA! WHERE IS THE LETTER YOU PROMISED ME?!
Eh hem, I didn't holler at my boyfriend. I accidentally pressed the 'caps lock' button. My fingers are very long you see..I'm actually very gentle one.
So ya. Maybe I secretly paste the letter here for you guys to see, ok? But there's a problem: I don't know how to do it, secretly.

Back to the topic.
A moment ago, I was basking in happiness, the warm sunlight, little blue birds fluttering around, fragance from roses in champagne colour... (Must exaggerate abit to see the contrast.)

BUT NOW? I AM FUMING.
If smoke can really come out from the ears, you'll see me belching grey steam like the Hogwarts Express on Platform 9 3/4.
Too bad I can't bring myself to sprout vulgarities like Weili.
I can quote him, I guess?

"MOTHERFUCKINGKANINABEHCHAOCHEEBYELANJIAOASSHOLEJIHONG"
Fong Wei LI aka Botakgorrilla (11th Sept 1984- )

Cannot like that one leh. I cannot go mad.
'Cos if I'm mad, I'll sing out of tune non-stop, I'll wish everybody 'Happy Birthday', I'll set Yanyan's hair on fire, I'll deflate Wanyi's boobs, I'll...

!(&*$^(@&#(!^*%*@# @

A few months back, I ended a friendship with someone.

An email was sent to her, explaining why it had to come to that state.
I was quite affected by the whole process. Pretty ugly, it was.

Put it behind and move on.
Ya, I wish.

Let's call the person, Hamburger.

Yesterday, I heard something from a secondary school friend, RotiPrata. RotiPrata's classmate, MeeGoreng is actually a friend of Hamburger's boyfriend, FrenchFry. Although I was from the same school as MeeGoreng, we don't know each other. Heard of the name, but not acquaintances.

Apparently, FrenchFry forwarded the email to MeeGoreng, and he told MeeGoreng that my side started it first, making Hamburger very sad, making her cry. MeeGoreng told RotiPrata, and RotiPrata told us.

Pardon me for a while, I shall scream.

WWWWWWHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTT TTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEE FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK!!

I'll try to be magnanimous and might understanding here.
Maybe Hamburger really convinced FrenchFry she's really miserable. So being the oh-so-loving boyfriend who felt the injustice being done to the beloved one, he decided to do something for her. So, he forwarded the email to non-related people.

WAH BIANG. Cannot la. I cannot convince myself to that logic.
Nevermind. I shall just be really nice and accept it.

BUT I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT ACCEPT WRONGFUL ACCUSATIONS.
Pui.

We started it first? Might as well say I'm a man.

Dear Hamburger and FrenchFry,

Let's try to be objective here. The whole issue is over long, long ago. For a friendship to fail, both sides gotta take certain responsibilities, no point pointing fingers. Everyone is not happy about it. But there are civilised people who takes such things graciously, and there are sore losers.

Even though we are not friends anymore, I am indeed disappointed to actually have to classify you to the latter.

Who wouldn't be agitated and pissed when they quarrel? But it should never be an excuse to hurl wrongful accuses to people. People who were once your friends.

When we tried to saviour the situation, did you remember what you said? You said you didn't care.
I was so angry when my efforts were denied.
To tell you the truth, I wanted to blog about it. To let people know about it. Taint your character through the process.
I didn't.
Nian zai wo men ceng jing shi peng you de fen shang, wo mei you.
I also didn't want to do anything that might jeopardise whatever good that might happened later on.
And the party who was directly involved told me not to.

Sometime later, you came back and wanna be friends again. No apology, no nothing about all the damage you have done.
I'm sorry, I can't be a hypocrite to be oh-so-chummy like before.
You can say I'm a petty bitch. I just can't.

It didn't make things better when you actually told a mutual friend, that it all started because the person you quarrelled with didn't study.
DIDN'T STUDY?
He was fucking mugging at my birthday chalet. He scored a cap of 4.5. Didn't study? Haha.
Come on la. We all know it was not true to the core.
Put yourself in that guy's shoes. How would you feel if you are being wrongfully accused by someone who is/was a friend?
Again, we could have blogged about it and spoil your reputation.
Again, we did not.

The friendship ended.

Months later, the email.

Why did you do that? Why did you want to involve others into this, even people that we don't know? Why did you push the blame to others, why can't you just share it? You, yourself admitted to us that you were in wrong too.
Why did you have to tell others another story?

If you are so devastated by the loss, why not do something to save it?
Tired, you say. Okay, then don't do anything. But why do something that will harm the people that you said and think are so important to you?

I don't understand at all.

I hope by the spreading of untrue and malicious rumours, you two actually feel better.
I sincerely hope so.

I wish you well.

Shuyin

(Very sian. I shall go find Abbie, ask her to kiss me and take alot of pictures, before I leave for KL tomorrow morning.)

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

A little story of mine.









I was going to blog about these four photos, in the name of fun.
In the end, I decided not to.

I'm glad that I look better now. (I think I do.)
But, I'm not very proud of the process.

I lay on my bed last night, thinking about what happened.
Tonight, a song and a conversation triggered me off.
I think I'm ready to tell the story, to get it out of me.
After 2 years...

And, I need to do something.

When that birthday picture was taken, it was my 19th birthday. That was 2 years ago.

I was 50kg.

By the end of 2003, I was and am still, 45kg.
I lost 5 kg, in less than 5 months time.

I did not go into any diet plan.
I did not go into some intensive exercise regime.
I did not take any medicine.

I went into depression.

One week before school started for the 1st semester of my final year in poly, I was told that my favorite aunt was sick.
I was so, so scared. I'm very close to my uncle and aunt. Since young, the idea of losing them never fails to make me tear.
I went to visit her every single day for that week.
I didn't know what I could do, except to provide company, and to show my concern.
On the first day of school, I woke up very early, to visit her before I went to school.

Some time later, she was discharged.

School was hectic, mainly with projects. I'm good in them. It was my final year. I wanted to do well.

I had 3 tuition kids. The money was for my school fees.

I had social obligatioins, poly friends, secondary school friends, etc.

I had a boyfriend, Idris.

I told myself that I'll try to visit my aunt as often as I can. I can always make her laugh by doing nonsensical stuff.

As days went by, I tried to fulfil the duties I had set for myself.
As days went by, I realised I couldn't.

My studies went down first.
I skipped classes.
I didn't put in much effort into projects.

Later on, it went from bad to worse.
On good days, I managed to function and complete some work properly.
On bad days, I refused to do anything.
I skipped one major test.
I didn't hand in CAs on time, which meant points were deducted.
That semester, my results were crap.

I cancelled tution lessons when I didn't feel like it. Totally irresponsible.

I shunned my friends.
I am a strong, independant person.
Revealing my problems and weaknesses is not what I like to do.
And I saw no point in telling them. I didn't want to trouble anyone, they couldn't help much anyway.

I also found out that my aunt's recovery process, was not going smoothly.
And my information were always outdated, because I didn't visit much.
I did not even contact. Yes, I was busy. But I also took it for granted.
I took it for granted that everything was going to be fine.

I failed to do every single thing.

I was only capable of one thing. Crying.

Everyday, I thought about what I failed to do.
Everyday, I worried about the outcomes of what I failed to do.
Everyday, I was engulfed by disappointment in myself.
Everyday, I was overwhelmed by guilt.
Everyday, I cried. Cry and cry and cry.

There was once, when I had the urge, and nearly jumped out of Idris' window.

I collapsed, internally.
And I dragged Idris down with me.

While he had to do his own stuff, he had to take care of me. Sometimes, he even tried and had to do my share. I was so temperamental at that time. Like a stretched rubberband, ready to snap anytime, which I did-all the time.

Idris was my only support during that period of time. I clung on him for my life. I stayed over at his place most of the tim, telling my parents it was for project purposes. It was partially true. Except more that half of the time, I was crying and going crazy.

I just didn't want to be alone. I couldn't be alone.

When I had enough of blaming myself, I blamed Idris.
I blamed him for being my boyfriend, that if he wasn't, I would have more time and energy to do every other thing that I had to.
I blamed him of being a burden, even I knew very well I was the big fat burden myself.

He took everything to himself, and carried on to do things silently, for me.
He begged my tutors to not fail me.
He did some of my work for me.
He forked out his savings to help pay my school fees.
And, he kept his promise to not tell anyone about my problems.

I was aware of what I was doing, and I knew they were all wrong. But I couldn't help it.

I couldn't help doing the wrong things, but I kept doing them to feel better.
And then I got angry at myself for doing all the wrong things.
And then I got frustrated at everything.
And everything just happened over and over again in a big, big vicous cycle.

Nobody knew I was sick. Even myself.
Not until I had to speak to one of my tutor, when she told me all my symptons are signs of depression.

Depression was what I went through for that 5 horrible months.
It was the 'secret formula' of my weight loss.

When school was over, all my duties were lifted from me.
All except for one.
My situation got better.

I was lucky I got through that semester. I didn't even have to repeat any modules.

No, I wasn't lucky. I was blessed.
I was blessed to have really good tutors.
I was blessed to have Idris.

I devoted all my time and effort into accompanying my aunt, to try to cheer her up.
She was hospitalised again.
I told myself I had to redeem myself as much as possible.
I told myself I had to take care of my aunt, as well as my uncle.

I stayed in the hospital for almost a month, keeping my aunt at night when she couldn't go to sleep.
The next morning when my uncle and cousin came, I went to sleep in the waiting lounge; wake up when my uncle go get lunch. Evening time, I'll go home and change blah blah blah.

My aunt did not get better.
However, I ensured that I maintained to be the 'kai xin guo' for everyone.
When I couldn't take it anymore, I'll call Idris to meet me in town, where the hospital is located. Very often, we'll just go to the top floor of Paragon, and Idris would either listen to my worries and fear or see me cry the buckets.

Till today, I'm still guilty over what had happened. I knew I could have done better.
Almost 2 years after my aunt passed away, I knew I could have done more for her.

There are so many things that I could have done, for everyone, and for myself.

I am finally ready to tell this little story of mine.
This entry is going to shock a couple of people.
Some knew something happened to me during this period of time.
But no one knew the entire story.
Only Idris, and me.

After thinking through everything, there is something that I have to do.
There is someone, whom I have owed alot to. Someone who had done so many things for me, selflessly.

Someone who I retracted and refused him of the status that he wanted, for my own selfish reasons.
I told him I needed to find myself, to retrieve that independant person I was before he was there for me to lean on.
I told him being together without status, will protect him from my some ridiculous expectations, which will make me feel better because I won't have to keep feeling bad for demanding unreasonable wants.

He did not understand my reasons, but agreed to everything because I told him I'll be happier this way.

What a selfish bitch I am, ain't I?

So...

Mr Chua Idris Mohd Shafiq, will you be my boyfriend, again, even after being reminded of how insane I was?

It will still be a long long road ahead of us, and I can't promise it will go on forever. I am not ready to make a 'forever' promise. There is still much to do, much to discover, much to learn.

I'm sorry for being selfish and had made you so confused.

Just consider ok?

***

I'm too tired to do any editting. Please pardon me for all the grammar, vocab, or whatever mistakes. And sorry to have to put up with the mushy part. Goodnight everyone.

Stay happy!

Saturday, August 13, 2005

It has been some time...

Since we last saw Abbie baby..

To date, Abbie is already 10 months old.

From the tiny little baby, she is now a hyper baby doll!

She dashes across the room in her walker, crawls and flips everywhere. She can already sit on her own too. You know like the Tasmanian Devil, she'll run around the tea table in her walker, and sweeps everything on it that she can reach, onto the floor! When you scold her, she laughs.

But... her problem is, she is very lazy!

Instead of sitting, she leans on anyone and anything behind her. Instead of crawling on all fours, she does the leopard crawl, rolls around, flip here and there, etc.

Abbie loves to watch Hi5! She can sit still at wherever she is(Yes, it is only then when she'll sit on her own), and stares at the television screen.

Her first little tooth is growing. Her teething time kinda late.

Here are the pictures! Enjoy!


Bite!


BiteBite!


BiteBiteBite!


Can la! Can la! Let you bite!




Happily biting!


Sweetie Baby.


'My hair is so messy' *Bian zui*


Pretty baby wants to comb her curly-twirly hair with her purple comb!


Thus she looks for people to help her!


And excitedly gives the comb!


Happy baby with tidy curly-twirly hair

Last one.

My favorite of the batch.



Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...


There are many of you out there who are 'questioning' the existence of this blog.
Seriously, do you think any of you possess the power to ask me to blog, or not to? Please lah, don't make me laugh, can?
This very blog is here for my own reasons and for anyone who enjoys reading it. I write for myself, for my family and my friends. I stopped blogging once, and came back, mainly because of Abbie. This blog will contain entries of her, and writings of mine, her Ah Yi, for her to read in the future., if she wants to, that is.

For those who don't like me or my blog, do not worry, the feeling is mutual.
I DON'T WELCOME YOU NOR YOUR COMMENTS. BYE.

For those who have left kind words and love/support for Abbie, my cousin, cousin-in-law and me are grateful for everything. Hope you all enjoy all the photos that I've posted, and there will more to come!

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Sian

This is going to be a sian post.
Since today is a sian-ed day.

Our KL trip got postponed, due to the haze.
Sian.

Poor Baby Abbie is sick, due to some virus attack.
Sian.
Must be the bad air. Don't think I'm talking nonsense.
There are always those retired uncles who loiter around the void deck underneath my uncle's block. For the past few days since the forest fire, they had not been there. Sick.
Although the haze did not affect most of us, those with weaker constitution and/or asthma should really take care. They are the most sensitive to the quality of the air.

So sian, right?!

My uncle heard of the haze in KL, so he gave me a mask.
It's the best, I tell you!

LAGI BIG ASS MASK.



LI BU LI HAI?
Very hard to put on..I piak-ed my face several times, while putting on the thing.
Sian.

If I get to wear it, I shall do one of the following..





SSSSSSSIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN.